I really don't know what to do right now with my personal life... I like a girl who i believe still likes me, but wont go out with me for unknown reasons. I don't want to wait for her for too long but she is the only girl i am really interested in. If she truly isn't going to date me then i want to try to get over her, but the only way i can think of is getting a girlfriend. That doesn't really seem like a proper way to go about it though. If she really does still like me then it will hurt her, and i would feel bad about dating the person cause i would just be using them to get over her. it's a bad situation either way.

The other bad thing about this is that i either want to have a serious relationship with her, or just have a good time with someone else. i dont want in between. I want to change my habits to be with her, or go with someone else and say I'm already going to hell for what I've done why not make it worth my while. Life just kinda sucks like that.

I want to understand her. It seems that everytime i actually get her to loosen up to me, she then realizes it then goes back into her shell and makes it 10x harder to open it again. Most of the time i don't think she even understands why she wont go out with me, and i worry that when she tells me that she doesnt want to be close to me that she isnt trying to convince me but to actually convince herself.

sometimes i wonder if i shouldnt have even asked her in the first place.
i listened to a song called Sieze the Day, by Avenged Sevenfold, about 20 times and decided why shouldnt i, the worst she could say is no. That two letter word hit me harder than a blacksmith's hammer could ever hit a piece of steel.

I wish she would Seize the Day...